My baby boy's hands

These are my baby boy's hands. 

My heart sinks when I look at them. A month ago I thought they were perfect - meaning problem free.  But now I see a problem. Do you?

A routine visit to his pediatrician, a slight mention of a comment JD made to me, and BOOM - we're at a specialist telling me surgery is our only option.  He has a congenital condition called "Trigger Thumb" that must be corrected, otherwise he won't have complete use of his hand. It's been going on for longer than we knew already, and has ruined the joint connecting his thumb to his hand. The hope is by releasing his tendon the joint will heal and correct function will be restored. 

My stomach hurts when I look at him. I know what's coming, he has no idea. I feel like we're tricking him. All he knows is that the doctor is going to "fix" his hand. That's it. He doesn't know where, when, how, etc. I'm prayerfully considering how/when to tell him. In the meantime I feel awful because it's always on my mind. I'm near tears when I look at him.  

My prayer list is extensive. Lengthy. I can't even begin to know the beginning or end of it.  

I had multiple surgeries on my hand when I was little. I can now imagine how my mom felt. Fortunately, I don't remember too much. I only remember one surgery, and that's when I was older ( I think). I remember the counseling, the doll I made, the office, the hospital room with lots of kids in it. I remember the pins in my thumb making me sick to my stomach. 

I don't know what to expect. I don't know if they'll counsel him like they did me. I think it would be good if they did, because clearly I'm lost, even having been through it. 

I know kids have surgery all the time. Major, life changing, life saving surgery. And those are a big deal. I've been following a story about a little boy that had to have heart surgery. I can't imagine what that's like. But, this is a big deal too. He's only 3! My 3 year old has to go under anesthesia. I have to end this thought here. 

I trust God. I really do. I'm still praying that He will just heal it so we can avoid the whole thing. I trust JD into God's hands, without reserve. He gave him to me, what choice do I have?The Man who thought JD up, Who formed him and gave him his hands, Who gave him his green eyes like his mommy, Who gave him the light & energy he wakes up with every morning, Who gave him to me & James - He's the only One to rely on here. 

You should have heard JD tonight. I took the kids to church for James' high school study's thanksgiving party. James got everyone to settle down and was about to pray when JD took over praying for him. He thanked God for his food. He thanked God that he got to go to the "high school room with Daddy". He thanked God for this day and a few more things. I was in tears. In a room full of loud, big, high school kids JD commanded the attention and prayed to God. Pride was pouring out of me. 

And tomorrow we're going to Travis' house. JD's best friend from preschool. He's BEYOND THRILLED. Hopefully I can get some pictures of the two of them in action!