This wild child loves animals:

This mommy does not. As the founder and president of the "I hate all animals club", I have solemnly sworn to hate all animals that would like to make my house their home.
Unfortunately, no other members of this family are members of this club. Animal lovers, the whole lot of them. Blah.
I have successfully managed to eradicate all animals who have tried to make their home here up until this point. But that wild child pictured above has finally wore me down.
So, without further adieu.... I give you-
The perfect pet for us.
The perfect pet for us lives in a cage...
(that is maintained by Daddy)

The perfect pet for us is one that can be held...

and brings us great joy and excitement...

The perfect pet for us gives us love and snuggles...

and is named Moe Z. Pirahna...
(I don't know why)

The perfect pet for us inspires handsome boys to give dreamy looks...

The perfect pet for us gives the baby a healthy amount of fear...

and is tolerant of all petting styles...

The perfect pet for us makes Daddy look silly with bunny ears on his head...

and also entertains Daddy.

The perfect pet for us is competely free, potty trained, requires nothing of Mommy, and makes ZERO noise. The perfect pet for us can live outside if necessary, doesn't smell, and doesn't require costly vet visits. The perfect pet for us doesn't have strange diseases or require vaccinations.
The perfect pet for us, Moe Z. Pirahna, welcome to our home. But watch your back, this mommy doesn't tolerate any funny business.